News review of 2007

Penny Says: 2007 a year in review from me to you!

An astronaut in diapers, celebrities and socialites in prison, finally the cell phone that does everything (once you hack it), wars, famine, drought, and Mattel asks parents everywhere “would you like your toys with our without lead?”

Astronaut is crazy in love and wears diapers to avoid bathroom breaks on the way to murder the object of her affections new lover! NASA sure knows how to pick them - cream of the crop - Way to think it through NASA. Way to check those references!

Anna Nicole Smith died, leaving behind her rich baby and suddenly her baby has two daddies and then they went to court and we learned through the magic of DNA testing that babies only have one daddy. Now that Daddy has dead Mommy’s money and has to take care of a baby.

This year a pop star made millions of dollars, so she shaved her head, went to rehab at least twice, and despite having a personal stylist suffered multiple fashion mishaps that result in everyone seeing her gnarly bits. Oh yeah, and to top it off, Britney Spears had her kids taken from her due to parental incompetence! Soon after her sweet 16 year old sister Jamie Lynn Spears gets pregnant, all the while Momma Spears is writing a parenting book – yeah this is all going to end well.

Darfur – the search for water continues while the 2 million (give or take a million) people who have survived the genocidal slaughter are currently starving and living in refugee camps – in spite of the attempts made by Bono, who sang several songs on their behalf and some websites offer Do-It-Yourself Save Darfur kits.

Pakistan a military dictatorship began the year as a American ally helping the US fight terrorism. President Pervez Musharraf took a severe departure from the route to democracy and declared a state of emergency suspending human rights putting off democratic elections. Soon after their progressive Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto was brutally assassinated days before the elections were to be held. She had a shown promise as a winner of the soon to come democratic and free elections. Benazir has fought her whole life to lead Pakistan to democracy alas extremist with guns win. Comforting to know they are a member of the nuclear club!!!!

North Korea (officially Democratic People's Republic of Korea) currently being run by Kim Jong-il is still showing us all how you can be a dictator and still use the word democratic to describe the people you are enslaving and starving. Yup you guessed it – nuclear club members!

Al Gore wins peace prize for raising awareness about the global warming (sorry now we call it climate change) movement that has little or no merit or science to back it up. But at least he made some sweet coin off of his scary movie. Meanwhile George Bush has been directing the money guzzling, life consuming War on Terror, a real life scary movie with no end in sight!

iPhone is hyped for months and when finally released people line up for days to buy the wondrous device that leads to 300 page phone bills. Then one day one smart kid hacks the phone allowing iphone users to change networks to one with out exorbitant fees. Suck it AT&T!

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie both get drunk and decide to drive home – both get caught, both spend some time in the slammer, one finds God the other gets pregnant. Both swear to someone they are sober. Grand Pappy Hilton decides to will his fortune to charity.

2007 Writers Guild of America strike is still going strong. Most prime time shows have simply run out of taped episodes and switched to re-runs. But up in Canada home-made programming is going strong. The writers strike in the US may actually give Canadian writer Douglas Coupland’s JPOD a chance at making it past the pilot episode. Coupland is a fantastic author and JPOD is a great book - I am sure the show will be entertaining and insightful, but Canadian productions are just that – Canadian. Coupland’s 2007 release The Gum Thief is excellent book and a must read if you have ever doubted that love and life can be found in the most unlikely places.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephan Harper sets aside millions for research to take place in Canada’s arctic – just after the Russians noticed Canadians were not using it and planted a flag there! Polar bears suddenly feeling like somebody’s watching and counting them.